Which Surf Tribe Do You Belong To?

Corporate Cool Guy
Andy, after working his way up the corporate ladder, is now earning a six-figure salary. Although he enjoys the finer things in life; expensive convertibles, a swanky studio apartment in West Kensington, and breast enhancements for his wife Suzan, Andy sees himself as somewhat of a free spirit. After taking a few surfing lessons in Oz with a guy called Koby, a tanned dude with long blonde hair that Andy really felt he connected with on so many levels, Andy now regularly relives the transcendental experience of being at one with nature to his young secretary.
Andy is arranging a team-building weekend in Newquay where he will pay large sums of money for him and his beer-bellied colleagues to wear neoprene and flounder around on large florescent foam boards.

The Geared-up Grom
Simon is 15 and has recently had his hair cut in exactly the same style as his favourite surfer Andy Irons, including expensive highlights to recreate that sun-bleached look. To date, his parents have bought Simon seven high-performance surfboards, all of which are completely covered in various surf stickers from Quiksilver to Billabong. This, along with his branded hoody and baggy jeans gives people the impression that he is sponsored by at least a handful of major surf brands. Simon plays the cool dude around his friends but gets grounded if he doesn’t practice piano every evening.

The Thrasher
Jack is sick of all these idiot beginners crowding his favorite surf-spots and getting in his way all the time. Don’t they realize he’s been coming to this spot for years? Way before surfing became so damn popular! These crowds are a virus, and Jack chooses to remedy this particular virus with aggression – effing and blinding at anyone who dares cross his path. He of course has priority on any wave he chooses, regardless of the order of the line-up, and everyone else should automatically know and acknowledge that fact. After all, he’s lived here all his life and this is a local spot for locals only.

Super Gramps
Richard is much older than his toned figure and excellent posture lead you to believe. After turning seventy this year, Richard still feels like a child inside - a fact he accredits to morning yoga sessions, healthy eating, regular sex with his wife Gene, and above all else, surfing. Richard thinks that conventional education is irrelevant believing surfing to be the only true education.

The Jock
On average, Brad uses the word ‘stoked’ in every other sentence, regardless of context. When he’s not surfing Brad is lifting weights in his garage or buying t-shirts that are one size to small in order to accentuate his buff figure. He will gladly challenge anyone who thinks they can drink him under the table or beat him in an arm-wrestle, and tends to become quite aggressive after a few too many pints. This underlying aggression is most prevalent in the water, where he tears through each wave as if it had just insulted his mother, while simultaneously insulting any fellow surfer’s mother at the top of his booming voice. Brad thinks he is God’s gift to surfing.

Soul Surfer
Dylan is a sixties child and, apart from the crows feet around his eyes, has not changed one bit since the flower power era of peace and love. Dylan divides the majority of his time between smoking doobies while listening to The Grateful Dead, and surfing on his vintage longboard, a custom made 1967 Greg Noll. Too much LSD back in the day contributes towards Dylan’s monotone drawl, each syllable taking about as long as it takes for the moon to orbit the Earth, and each sentence ending in either “man” or “dude”. Dylan believes surfing to be the ultimate spiritual experience.

The Hodad
Harry owns the biggest collection of surf movies of anyone he knows. He has a clock that’s the shape of a surfboard, not to mention a similarly themed rug, bed-sheet, lampshade and fridge magnets – not to mention the three old boards dotted around the flat. Harry only wears surf brands (preferably Quiksilver or O’Neill) and owns seventeen pairs of boardies and eight pairs of flip-flops. He lives in Middlesex. A few months ago, Harry took a trip to Cornwall and you can now check out all the pictures from the trip on Facebook. Ninety percent of these photographs show Harry holding a surfboard.
The thing is, no one’s ever actually seen Harry surf…

The Quiet Type
Bill lives a quiet and contented life. He has a quaint home by the coast where he presides with his wife and two springer spaniels. Every morning before work Bill drives to his favorite beach with his two dogs, and if the waves look promising he will pull on his super-warm wetsuit and go for a surf. Bill doesn’t know any famous surfers or who is the current World champion. He doesn’t know which particular brand is in fashion at the moment or what new board technology the pros are using these days. He just likes the feeling of that first duck-dive into the icy cold water. Or the sensation of utter weightlessness as he rides a long, peeling left hander for what seems like an eternity, as the warm early morning light reflects off the crest. If he’s lucky, he’ll spot a seal curiously poking his head up just beyond the brake to check what the fuss is all about. Bill was never one for football and is happiest when floating in solitude, waiting for the next wave.

The Carpenter
Terry lives to surf. After eventually coming to the realization that he does in-fact need some sort of job in order to live, he chooses to work with his friend as a carpenter. He neither loves nor hates his profession. What is important is the flexibility it affords him. At various times in his working day he will call one of his crew of fellow surfers (all of who’s livelihoods are similarly flexible) for an update on the wave situation. If there is but a mere hint of a swell on the horizon, Terry will drop whatever he is doing, regardless of it’s importance, and get his arse down to the beach, riding whatever the sea has to offer within ten minutes of the call.

The Natural
Craig is cool. There’s no other way of describing him. Girls love him and guys want to be him. He is a talented surfer with an aggressive yet smooth style that reflects his personality. Craig is a creative individual, enjoying painting and photographing coastal scenes and believes that art, music and surfing are inherently linked (Craig also plays the acoustic guitar which always seems to be around whenever there is a campfire at the beach. In these situations he will yet further melt girls hearts with his soothing vocal tones and excellent rendition of Banana Pancakes by Jack Johnson).